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Born
Selfish
We
are born selfish. Even with the best raising, the most
complete training in social skills, humans grow up
selfish. It’s human nature.
The Bible calls it “the flesh.”
It’s what we want, what we think, and what we
feel. According
to many verses, we are supposed to kill it ~ that
nature in ourselves. That issue is covered in my brochure, What’s My Cross?
So
how is this possible?
It is NOT possible in your own abilities.
You could, if you were a very determined
person, make yourself totally unselfish ~ for a while.
People do this on dates, or when trying to make
a good impression on someone. But sooner or later, something will happen that lights your
fuse. Someone
will be impatient with you or do you wrong, and you
will react with displeasure.
Or you will put up with a situation as long as
you can, and then you will explode.
You will blow your cool, and lose it.
Will-power cannot make a permanent change.
The
Remedy
God is in the business of changing people. He
wants to make you a beautiful person!
To allow this to happen, though, you must spend some time every day reading in the Bible and in
private prayer. And talk to Him often throughout your
days. You
are building a relationship with your heavenly Father.
And He will begin changing you immediately. I became
easier to live with day by day as I did this!
I didn’t get upset as easily as I did before,
and I became more confident.
If you talk too much, He will help you be
quiet. If
you don’t talk much, He will give you the confidence
to talk more! If
you get impatient and angry often, God will begin making you more peaceful.
It’s a process.
This time with God will give you
the power to stay sweet and speak softly even if
someone is angry with you.
If your spouse is impatient with you, you will
be able to respond nicely instead of reacting.
Our
Testimony
When T.A. and I began developing
the habit of daily private times with God in prayer
and in the Word, we could tell if the other one had
missed that time with God. Any impatience or raised voice would be the cue.
For the first few times, we’d ask nicely,
“Have you been having your times with God?”
Then later, we didn’t have to say anything. We’d just give a knowing smile, and the other would get the
message.
Twenty-five years later, our
oldest son and T.A. were discussing a computer
problem. They disagreed and didn’t understand each other.
T.A. lost his cool.
He raised his voice and accused the son of
calling him a liar.
The son and I were shocked and made no reply.
T.A. told us later that God spoke to him in his
thoughts and said, “That’s what happens when you
don’t pray.”
This incident shook him up enough to get back
into the habit that he’d let slip.
It’s
just me!
What if you’re the only one
seeking God? Be
encouraged knowing that it takes two to fight.
If you start responding in kindness when
your spouse gets ugly, there will be no fight.
Prov. 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away
anger.” But
remember, you have the power to do this only when you
are having that daily time with God!
Marriage books, marriage
seminars, and all similar resources have their good
points. All
are beneficial to a degree, and for a while.
But without the habit of daily times with
God, you will revert to being selfish.
Human love is fragile.
Marriage
is very difficult without daily times with God.
How to start Praying
Matt. 6:33 says to seek first
God's kingdom. The word first is significant. Your
time with God must be the most important thing you do
in your day. Find some time in your day when you can
be alone with God and uninterrupted. Begin with
praise. If you don't know how, read the Psalms that
are praise. After a little while in praise, you can
pray for your spouse and family, your pastor and
friends. I have several other brochures about prayer
that may help you too.
What
does the Bible say?
I hope you choose to start your
daily Bible reading in the letters ~ Romans though
Jude. These will help you grow the fastest because they are to the
Church. Now
I want to give you some Bible verses that can apply to
marriage. These are areas where God will be helping you.
Eph. 5:33, TLB “…each man
must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife
must respect her husband.”
(When I began treating T.A. with respect ~ even
when I thought he was stupid, our relationship started
getting better!)
Eph. 4:26, “Don’t let the
sun go down with you still angry. For anger gives a
mighty foothold to the Devil.”
Eph. 4:29, “Let everything you
say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an
encouragement to those who hear them.”
Eph. 4:32, “Be kind to each
other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as
God through Christ has forgiven you.”
Eph. 5:21, “Submit yourselves
to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
(Respect and honor for each other will insure
peace.)
I Cor. 7:1-5,
“Do not deprive each other of sexual
relations.”
Mark 10:1-9, (about divorce)
“Let no one separate them, for God has joined them
together.” (Mal. 2:16, “I hate divorce.”) Why?
He wants Godly children!
Mal. 2:15.
I Cor. 13:4-7, “Love is
patient and kind, Love is not jealous, or boastful, or
proud or rude. Love
does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable, and keeps no record of
when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice but rejoices
whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is
always hopeful, and endures through every
circumstance.”
Matt. 6:33 is not usually used
in reference to human relationships, but it does
apply! If you keep your relationship with God healthy, like I said
earlier, then He will take care of your spouse! This verse says, (NLT) “He
will give you all you need from day to day if you live
for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary
concern.” (YOU
seek God as first priority in your life.)
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